Challenge Responses
by NedryOS
Summary: Collection of my responses to various challenges. Mostly from the HPFFC forum, but also (eventually) including popular standbys such as Reptilla28's and witowsmp's challenges. Chapters organized by: Challenge Letter Response Number (Chapter number). Currently working on a 10 story challenge by DobbyRocks Socks
1. A1(1): Comedy One-Liner by Silverbirch

Hey folks! Welcome to my Challenges Collection. Currently, all 5 chapters are standalone stories, so please check those others out, even if you don't like this one!

Published: 16.10.2013  
Words: 3420

Comedy One-Liner Challenge by SilverBirch, HPFFC Forum  
#14: "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." - Mae West

* * *

Chapter 1

It was the morning before Christmas, and Harry James Potter and Hermione Jean Granger were in the middle of a few acres of trees somewhere in southern Wales. The two most wanted people in Wizarding Britain had been on the run since August first, and had run into a wall. Both were depressed over their living conditions and concerned over the fate of their missing friend.

Ron Weasley left their party exactly two months ago, citing lack of progress and lack of food. Other than coming to the conclusion that wearing Salazar Slytherin's Locket was obviously affecting them, and deciding to not do so anymore, the two teens still had no leads or success.

Provisions on their quest had been nearly as nonexistent as their progress. Losing their designated eating machine hadn't even helped that particular situation. In 61 days, the two teens had gone a total of 29 of those without food. They had been living off meager meals quietly reappropriated from nearby farms and gardens, but that ran out as the winter set in.

One of the major problems affecting them was the fact that they had mixed lives. Having not been raised in the magical world, Harry and Hermione were missing 10 years of experiencing how magic was used everyday and often had no idea that there was an easier, magical way to complete some tasks. Similarly, being neglected, abused child, and the daughter of a pair of upper class dentists respectively, and both at a magical school into their teens, neither had any sort of outdoor survival skills.

Sure they knew of fishing and trapping, and they knew that some berries and nuts were edible, but they also knew that some rivers could be contaminated and some berries could be incredibly poisonous, and even experts have trouble building a successful snare.

Sure they could use magic to steal enough food or money to live well enough, but they also knew that surveillance cameras and motion detectors could still catch them, and they had no idea what sort of magical detection capabilities the ministry had, nor what kind of presence they had in non-magical areas.. Despite the amount of trouble Harry got them into, Hermione never imagined she would be a fugitive, and never bothered to look that sort of thing up.

Thus, the morning before Christmas, after three days of walking without eating any food, Hermione finally lost it. Harry had gone to bed around 4 that morning and left her up on watch. When he woke four hours later, the snow covered ground was dotted with dozens of snow angels, and Hermione was building and blasting suspiciously dark wizard shaped snowmen.

Harry was mesmerized by his best friend meticulously shaping snowballs and chucking them across their temporary front yard. It reminded him of the half dozen times he willingly went out with his so-called family. They never expected him to survive it, his uncle even told him outright once that he hoped his young nephew would burst into flames at the threshold. Harry lived, probably out of spite, and actually enjoyed all six of his trips to Church on Christmas eve.

Every year for the month of December, beatings were scarce and food was, well, not quite plentiful, but sustained Harry, as the Dursleys prepared him to be seen in public. Only the priests had enough of a sway over Vernon and Petunia for them to reign in both their behavior and Dudley's. Subsequently, Dudley was forced to dress up and behave while Harry was simply told to be at the car by 12:30am.

Harry never could believe that an all powerful being could allow a child to be abused like he was or even like Dudley was (though that was in a different manner), so he lacked the faith or naivete to be religious. Instead, he enjoyed the peaceful calm of Christmas Mass, and the beauty of the chapel where they congregated… but only for an hour or so. After that, he would sneak out back to the playground and play on the swings and with the other kids who were relishing their night away from the biggest bully in the neighborhood. They spent as many as three hours doing exactly what he saw Hermione doing: making snow angels and throwing snowballs. It made him feel like a child again.

Harry picked up a handful of snow and quickly rounded it into a snowball. He lobbed it through the air, aiming for Hermione's back. He never saw her devious smile or the wand in her hand. Hermione had heard him wake up and exit the tent, but saw no reason to stop abusing the pureblood wizard caricatures until Harry decided to get involved. She silently tossed up a reflecting shield, and overpowered it to send the snowball right back at Harry.

His stunned look as the snowball made an instantaneous u-turn would be a highlight of her retellings forever. The wet missile caught him dead in the chest and caused him to slip and land in a snow bank with a loud "Oof!".

"Mister Potter!" Hermione mock scolded with a smirk and her hands on her hips. "Didn't anyone teach you not to sneak up on a lady?"

Harry laughed. "Hah! I don't believe I've ever met a proper lady." Hermione stuck her tongue out at him at that. "I did learn one thing as a kid though."

"What's that?" the bushy brunette asked as she walked towards Harry.

"Don't get mad," the dark haired boy stated with a smile, "Get even!"

Hermione repeated Harry's previous expression when she spotted Harry's wand subtly waving in his hand just before a giant cloud of snow fell down on her. She landed in the snow drift right next to her best friend. After just a second, she got up sputtering and wiping the snow off.

Hermione glared at him. "Of course, you know, this means war."

Harry jumped up and ran away yelling "It's rabbit season!"

The two adult wizards left their wands by the tent and played like muggle children for the first time in years. Both suffered from the bullying that plagued most first-gens or mundane raised children, on top of Harry's exceedingly improper upbringing and Hermione's polar opposite upper class upbringing. They rarely were able to let go and just have fun, and even more rare to do so with other children. On top of that, even though Fred and George were always good for a snowball fight, they hadn't been allowed outside during third year, and from fourth to that previous year, it had been one mess after the other, so fun wasn't exactly happening at Hogwarts. Even the novelty and interest brought by magic itself had worn off. Never was that more evident than in this scene of a witch and a wizard, surrounded by over two dozen wards, throwing snowballs and building snowmen by hand.

After two and a half hours playing in their little winter wonderland, the tired teens returned to the tent. Their fire had gone out at some point and neither realized it until they had sat down around the ashes. Harry immediately sighed and went to stand up. Hermione grabbed his arm and smiled at him.

"Hey, you're the wizarding world's hero, mister boy-who-lived, you do know how to use your wand right?"

Harry looked down at her with twinkle in his eye. "Wouldn't you like to know." His suggestive wink was only a bit over the top.

Hermione giggled and slapped his arm "Yes Harry, I would like to know if you can wave your lovely wand and get me some nice, long, and thick wood" she said in a husky whisper "so I can burn it all and keep us from freezing to death you randy bugger!" She finished by tossing another handful of snow at him.

Harry was thoroughly enjoying himself. He turned away from Hermione for just a moment and summoned a fallen pine towards him. He held it in front of him and said to Hermione "I'll have you know, I have the nicest piece of wood in the forest." He flicked his wand and a small fire lit on the trunk. "And it's already so hot for you." Harry stuck his hip out and wiggled his butt in her general direction.

"Ooh the hero's also a dancer! Would you like some T with that A?" Between Lavender, Parvati, Seamus, and Dean, the two seventh years knew a bit about flirting, and were starting to blur the line between friendly joking and foreplay. Harry, being a typical male, was the first to break. He dropped the tree and froze, goggling at Hermione.

She chuckled at him again and stood up. The formerly bookish, buck-toothed, bushy haired, brunette, closed the short distance swaying her behind and holding her bust up to him. Stopping right in front of him, she quickly conjured a tiny plate and cup, and balanced it on her chest. "Tea, milord?"

The poor boy just flat out fainted right into all of Hermione's tea, taking them both to the ground. Hermione just laughed and rolled him of of her, onto his side, facing her. She then took out her wand and cut up the tree, making a little fire in front of them. I just under a minute, she laid back down next to Harry and shook him awake. When he groaned, she looked right into his eyes and whispered. "Morning sleepyhead. You're rounding first base and I didn't even get a thank you."

Harry was barely awake and torn between shocked at her forwardness and embarrassed that he passed out and apparently groped her. He slid a bit closer and placed his forehead on hers, and replied with a sad smile "In 17 years, 5 months, 24 days and some odd hours, this is the best wake up I remember."

Hermione, who had two loving parents she woke up to every morning for several years, couldn't stop the tears from welling up. "Not… not even Ginny?" she choked out. His response bewildered her for a moment. Harry, at the mention of the younger redhead, pushed away and rolled on his back, facing up at the mid-morning forest canopy.

He started: "I don't know what she said… well I probably do, I just can't believe…" he sighed again. "No I can believe it, she's… I dunno anymore." he mumbled the rest of his little rant. Hermione only caught one line, and had to question it.

"'Not for you'? What happened? I thought you loved each other?" Hermione asked, still laying on her side, staring intently.

"Well, let me see, it's… ooh perfect timing, it's almost 1130, so here, ACCIO MAP, see for yourself. I SOLEMNLY SWEAR I'M UP TO NO GOOD"

The magical parchment unfolded across the two of them, and Hermione sat up to get a better look. "Remus showed me this trick." Harry said, and tapped his wand three times on the paper. "Let's prank Ginevra Weasley."

The map zoomed into the abandoned third floor corridor, in fact right to the room formerly occupied by Hagrid's pet Cerberus, Fluffy. Hermione gasped when she saw. Also inside the room, and very, very close to Ginny's name, were the names Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan

Harry heard Hermione's gasp. "It's been the same thing at least twice a day. I'm fairly certain she's doing it willingly because she was one of the only ones to fight off the Imperius besides us and she would kill before submitting. I've seen her in the boys' dorm several times, going in and out of the RoR with some Ravenclaws. She was always such a sexual person, but I've never been ready to do that, not last year. Too much trauma, I don't even like being touched most of the time. I caught her masturbating a couple times and she told me that she wanted me, but since I wasn't ready, she found another way. And I found it beautiful, ya know? Hot, sexy. I was even aroused physically, but mentally, I wasn't ready. We tried once, but it never felt right. Couldn't even get her undressed. So I did love her. She loved me too. She just couldn't wait on me, and I… I just can't love her when she's doing this. I have no feelings for her anymore. She's a friend. A beautiful, sexy, friend, but not someone I could love. She moved on."

"Harry I'm so sorry! I knew something like this might happen, but you shouldn't have found out this way. I thought she would wait for you or at least tell you herself." Hermione held her arms out to Harry. He finally sat up, and hugged her.

With his head on her shoulder and arms around her waist, Hermione continued softly. "She used to be like that around fifth year, too. It wasn't so much that she would have sex with anyone, it's that she wanted to do so a lot. It was like you and flying, that was her pleasurable past time."

"I know 'Mione. I don't blame her, I have in fact touched myself, so I do know how pleasurable it is, and it's her body to do with what she wants, I just wish I was ready for her."

"You know she didn't blame you either." Hermione said quietly into his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Harry inquired.

"Well, I… um…" Harry felt the heat coming off her cheeks. She pushed him back slightly to look at his face "Well it kinda started at Number 12 the Christmas that Arthur got hurt, fifth year. We were sharing a room, I'm sure you remember. And she was locked up there with her family and us, and well… actually it was two years ago to the day. She woke me up that night, by accident, because her silencing charm wore off. You're right, Harry, she is beautiful, sexy, delicious little redhead. I put my charm over hers and just watched. It… um… well, after Christmas, our relationship grew quite a bit." She smiled slightly.

"We talked a lot of course. One of the things she told me, right before we stopped and you and her started your relationship, was that she knew what your home life was like, and she knew you were a bit standoffish, and she never blamed you. She cursed the Dursleys far more than you and I do. And it wasn't even about the fact that she couldn't have sex with you, it was that she wanted to show you how much she loved you and she couldn't because of them. Before we left the Burrow this summer, she told me she was going to try and wait for you. I can't say it to you as correctly as she would like, I'm sure, but I think she felt that there was someone better for you, she just couldn't tell you that."

"She never told me you two did anything either, I just thought that you had at least spent a night together, you know? That even once you might have woken up in her arms."

Harry looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. "Thank you Hermione. That helps… a lot. I wanted to hate her, and I wish she could have told me herself, but knowing that she gave up just as much as I did, make it hurt a lot less."

The two teens shifted a bit, and were sitting side by side, with Hermione's arm over Harry's shoulder, and his head leaning on hers. They sat that way for a bit, just listening to the winter forest and the quiet cackling of the fire.

After a while, Harry leaned away from her and spoke up, "Of all the things I wish were different, like, you know, not having Voldemort after me, having parents, and not being hungry, I always wanted to know if I'd have a kid brother or sister. What would they be like? How good a big brother would I be? What would it be like being in a wizard household with a first gen like my mum?"

"I know you would have been a great big brother, Harry, just like you're going to be the best father some day, regardless of all those expecting you to be a bigshot in the DMLE." Hermione replied sincerely. Harry smiled brightly at her, imagining himself playing with a couple toddlers and not fighting dark wizards for a century.

"I've spent so much time worrying about surviving psychopaths and plots, I've never thought much about the future, let alone talking about it with you and Ron or Ginny. I…" He paused for a moment. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you know that much, you're so observant. I bet I'm like an open book to you, huh?"

Hermione nodded and grinned. "A four-eyed, messy-haired pop-out book." Harry laughed at her.

"Sure, sure Miss Granger, make fun of me. You're a bushy-haired buck-toothed Dr. Suess novel yourself!" Harry said emphatically.

"Oh, really?" "Yeah really!" "Prove it!" "Okay, but you asked for it!"

"Once this is all over, sometime in the next millenium no doubt," they both rolled their eyes, "you're going to find someone you love, marry young, and spend a few years working. Probably for the ministry fighting for the rights of sentient non-humans, ya know, your houselves and centaurs and the other hundred magical beings we don't learn of. You're going to do great there. You will fight the pureblood bigots tooth and nail, and despite the stress and threats, you're going to be Head of the DMLE, maybe even Minister some day.

"Amelia Bones, rest her soul, is your personal hero. She never put up with their shit, and despite being a non-pureblood widow with no family and no title, she made it all the way up and would have been the minister had she not fought to the death with the strongest dark wizard in hundreds of years. Your changes will finally drag the Wizarding World up to somewhere around the 19th century, maybe the 20th, even. When you've finally left a legacy that will never be forgotten, so when you're not even 30, you'll partially retire, having a couple kids in a couple years. You'll be the best mom there ever was. Your kids will know all about the non-magical world, more than you and I, even."

"And then, you'll fulfill your dream of publishing a book about your life. You'll tour the world, finally finishing up in the ICW where you'll show off the new Ministry and convince them to adopt some progressive policies for the first time in almost 500 years."

Hermione's eyes were glazed over and her mouth frozen in a smile well before Harry finished. Harry's own smile faltered a bit as he considered what part he'd play in the life of his best friend. He grabbed both of her hands and snapped Hermione out of her reverie. "Hermione, I know we're in a bit of a chaotic time, and people are dying and more people will. But we have to win this. Not for the sheep who allowed it to happen, but for you and me. When I think of our future, I know no matter what I'll always be your friend, I will always stand beside you when you need it, fight for you always. I just can't imagine a world where you weren't in my life. And when I think back, after talking about what it would be really like to have a sister, I can't help but think that I don't have a sister, or a frame of reference to love someone like a sister…" Hermione's eyes began to well up. "I can't love you like a sister... I love you far more than a sister. You're so beautiful and smart and you know me so well. I don't want to share you with anyone. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. Will you let me be your stay at home husband?" He finished with a grin.

"Is this your w-way of asking me to m-marry you?" Hermione asked between tears. "Only if you say yes?" Harry half stated, half asked. Hermione let out a small laugh and wiped her eyes, before leaning in towards Harry, wrapping her arms around him. "Of course I will you dork."

They kissed.


	2. B1: Luscious Feathers

Published: 17.10.2013  
Edited: 21.10.2013  
Words: 587  
Warnings: Non-graphic mentions of Incest and Bestialty

Pick-A-List-Competition by DobbyRocksSocks  
Medium Level, Weird Pairings and Spells List  
Story 1: Lucius/Peacock and Gemino (Duplication Spell)

* * *

Luscious Feathers

"Elf!" Yelled out Lord Lucius Malfoy from his private study in the center of Malfoy Manner. The summoned house elf appeared instantly, but the evil man could never be satisfied no matter what his poor slave did. Lucius kicked out at the prostrate being. Though he hardly got close, Dobby was sure to ham it up a bit to appease his master's anger and it looked like he was punted across the office, knocking a picture off the wall.

Whimpering, Dobby immediately cleaned, fixed, and re-hung the picture, before getting up and addressing the thing before him. "Master Malfoy called for Dobby?" The platinum haired man's pristine face shifted into a scowl and sneer at having to deal with someone he believed to be below himself. "Where is Lady Malfoy?"

"Young Master Malfoy is having Lady Malfoy in the toy room, Master Malfoy." Dobby said, hiding his disgust.

Lucius gave a twisted smile that would shatter glass and kill lesser beings. "Yes, yes, Scion Malfoy is enjoying his twelfth birthday present is he? I knew that was a great use for that wretched wench. Well then, bring me Scion Malfoy's present for myself at once. And make sure he is clean!"

Dobby was prepared for Lucius's request, as it had been the same one every day for the last month. A beautiful full grown male Green Peafowl appeared in the room. It took up most of the room with it's 1.5 meter train fanned out and its meter wingspan flapping to recover from the sudden change in scenery. The elf then began rearranging the office, placing a bowl of berries on the floor along with a large white sheet. Of course, Lucius would not stand for this insolence.

"ELF!" He screamed, causing Dobby to cower. "Do not presume to know what my orders for you are! Iron your hands immediately and return to finish up this room!"

Unbeknownst to the wizards who treated their elves as slaves, the elves themselves only need the bond and work, and didn't actually have to follow their orders. However, a servant that didn't follow orders usually had their bond broken, and that could, in fact, kill an elf. Being magical creatures with a need, they adapted and became experts in glamours and deception. As such, Dobby merely popped into the Malfoy Manor elf den, sighed out "I'll get that bastard eventually." cast a glamour, and returned to the Lord's Den faking a major injury. His task was done in seconds and he left Lucius and the Peacock.

"Now that it's just you and I, my lovely Mercucio, we can gather your brothers, Mordacai and Mulcibur. Gemino! Gemino!" Lucius duplicated the peacock twice and now the room was absolutely stuffed. Giggling effeminately, Lucius said "Boy you three have gotten big." Lucius rubbed all of their heads and down their flanks. He shivered in anticipation. "Lets just get the room all ready." With a few sweeps of the wand, Lucius double the size of the room and locked down its wards.

"Now, my lovelies, how about we get your best friend, Luscious." He finished, dragging both S's, before stowing his wand in his robe, and disappearing with a pop. In his place was a pearl white peahen. Her wings and train flowed around the three peacocks as she squawked happily.

Three hours later, Lucius reappeared outside his den, and walked straight to the Lords' Bath. He was too exhausted to bother complaining when Dobby went right to work cleaning up the den.


	3. B2: Born that way

Published: 17.10.2013  
Edited: 21.10.2013  
Words: 2713  
Warning: Gay Draco, Passing (non-graphic) mentions of incest and rape, underage sex

Pick-A-List-Competition by DobbyRocksSocks  
Medium Level, Weird Pairings and Spells List  
Story 2: Draco/Apple and Accio (Summoning Charm)

* * *

Most are just born that way

"Well mister Malfoy," said Madame Pomfrey, "What did you get yourself in to tonight? And I'm sure I don't need to remind you, but I am under both my healers oath and a supplemental oath directly to your father to not reveal any information on your medical history to anyone other than yourself, including him. I can not act on anything I learn in this room, other than to heal my patients."

Draco was in the fetal position, whimpering and ignoring the healer.

"Mister Malfoy, I already know you're a marked Death Eater, I already know you're trying to kill Professor Dumbledore, and I already know about the cabinets, and I've already treated you a dozen times for the cruciatus and other injuries. I can not help you if you do not tell me what is wrong, and I can not cast any spells on you unless you give me verbal permission."

Draco only shuddered a bit. Madame Pomfrey sighed and lowered herself until she was at eye-level with the blond boy. "I can't help fix what he is doing to you unless you tell me what it is. What did Voldemort do?"

Draco lurched violently at the forbidden name of his Lord and then cried out as the painful movement registered throughout his body. "No, no don't say His name. It wasn't him." Draco gasped out through his tears.

Poppy put her hand on his shoulder. "Tell me what happened son." She said softly. "I… I can't.. can't say it. Just do your spell. I can't say it." Draco looked up at her pleadingly.

As he'd finally relented, the resident Healer stood up and began casting diagnostic spells. She got negative after negative, and was confused. She was expecting signs of Cruciatus or splinching as a result of the broken teleportation cabinet. After a minute, she noticed he was holding his back and legs extremely rigidly. On a whim, she cast a spell to test for foreign bodies.

The result surprised her, and confused her even more. About 8 inches into his colon rested what appeared to be most of an apple. She was speechless. "Draco, I uh… I see the problem. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it, but please tell me, was this an accident, or did someone do this to you?"

"Can you fix it?" Draco whimpered. "Of course I can Draco, I'll make you right as rain, and I can help you so it never happens again." Madam Pomfrey assured the teenager. "Just tell me a little bit more about it. How long ago did this happen?"

"Just this morning. And… And it w-was an accident." He looked up at her. "You can't tell anyone. Nobody can know! You can't!" Malfoy begged the woman standing over him. "Of course I won't Draco." She began prepping to remove the apple that was lodged in the 17 year old's anal cavity.

"Okay Draco, we have some potions you need to take for the pain and to start on healing your bowels. Then in a bit you're going to take this blue one which will loosen your bowels so it's not up there so tight. Normally for projectile injuries or wounds where there is an object still involved, we'd switch it with a wound sealing potion, but there's no wound in this case. I do have a surgical wand, which are normally placed in open wounds to better place spells."

"In this case, I would like your permission to use your rectum as the insertion point, where I will then carefully shrink and pull the object out. This is the primary treatment method, but most patients are not comfortable with it until the initial round of potions are complete, so lets wait an hour or so and come back to it, okay?" Draco nodded. "Okay. So, tell me about how this came about. Think you can do that for me?" Draco nodded again, but took a moment to speak.

"Well it started about fourth year. You know how us purebloods operate, regardless of how you or I feel about it. Pansy was given to me in first year." "Miss Parkinson?" Pomfrey asked. "Yeah. Lord Parkinson wanted to start a business and sold his only daughter, the sick bastard." Pomfrey shook her head sadly.

"I've never liked women. Lucius forced me on Narcissa from a young age to prove my manliness and all that shite. I didn't even really like girls to begin with and it put me off of them completely. Can't even look at a vagina without vomiting. She was my mother for Merlin's sake! She's supposed to hug me and care for my scraped knees not suck my dick and force me to touch her!" Draco was bawling again.

Poppy place her hand on the boy's shoulder and let him cry for a minute. As terrible as it was, he wasn't the first pureblood Scion that broke down and turned to homosexuality after instinctual rape. Then again, perhaps he had no interest in girls to begin with. Either way, it helped explain how he wound up penetrated. After he calmed down a bit, Draco started again.

"Anyway, Pansy wasn't never good for brains and didn't have to. I kept telling her and telling her she wasn't good enough for me she should go practice. She fucked her way through school, still is. Fourth year, when Beaubatons was here, I knew I am gay and I know I'm going to have to have a kid someday, ya know, for the Malfoy name to live. But when Beaubatons was here, I wanted to, ya know, find someone for a short bit. I was attracted, physically to these older guys. You could tell which ones were gay, because they didn't need those amulets to keep from pouncing on the veela, yet they never talked about girlfriends or love interests."

Poppy remembered that year. More than one of her boys were brought in with black eyes and crushed testicles over the veela. Not that she blamed the girls who, like everyone, were a circumstance of birth not choice, but she just wished she had some warning and a chance to get all of them acclimated to resisting the allure. Still, she learned a lot about the kids that year, watching who reacted to who and over what. Particularly about a certain Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, both of whom refused to admit that they could be partners instead of siblings. It also pointed out the glaring difference in maturity between Harry and every other boy in the school, especially Ron Weasley. The disruptions gave her a lot to gossip with Minerva about. Draco was still talking though.

"So one night, me and Francois had snuck out, or rather I snuck out to meet him and I guess I didn't realize it at the time, but Millie, Tracey, and Daphne were up still. Daphne still hates me of course, 'cause her dad tried to sell her to me. I told him that Daphne was worth way more than I could ever afford. She was just as offended that her dad would sell her as she was that I wouldn't buy her. She took it to mean that she wasn't good enough for me. That's patently false and you can tell her that if you ever see her, she's a beautiful woman but I could never love her and as smart as she is, one of us would be dead and the other in prison inside of a year."

"That was very brave and mature of you, you know. That will have led to many problems for both you I'm sure but you still made the right decision despite that." Madam Pomfrey said, surprised that the real boy under the two-faced pureblood was actually not an evil bastard.

"I know. Bet you're wondering how I can be a marked Death Eater and mudblood hater and not actually be an evil immature bastard, huh?" Draco chuckled sadly. "As much talk as I am, I've never physically hurt another person. Never even had to kill or rape to get this damn brand. It was actually a punishment. Shame my father that he was forced to give up his only son to another man. Put him in a right state, too. But I never killed. Hell, I'm only even half assing this 'kill Dumbledore' hogwash to stop the cruciatus from coming through this brand. Fucking half-blood wanna be certainly has the power to back up his words, even if they're untrue."

"Anyway, so Millie follows me while Daph and Trace go and send Pansy off after her, but by then I had met up Francois. Millie saw the room I went in, and directed Pansy to me. Took her dumb ass forty-five minutes to find me." He chuckled at that. Pomfrey smiled at him. She could tell this was something positive for him in his incredibly negative life, and that he was physically feeling better after the potions. "So it was Francois's turn to do what he wanted. We made out a bit, the usual stuff. Then he told me he wanted to try something new. He tied me up and went over what he was going to do to me. It was so hot. I damn near came just from him talking about it, rubbing me a bit, not even actually touching my penis." Draco shivered and barely resisted playing with himself again, remembering that he was in the Hospital Wing.

"Here's where the apple thing comes in though. He wanted to gag me, told me to try and scream, but he didn't trust himself to maintain a transfiguration during orgasm-something that I should have remembered-so he pulls out this apple, and stuffs it in my mouth. So we were going at it for about twenty minutes when he flips me over and bores a hole in the apple, and just sticks himself right through. That was my third orgasm of the night. Just the sweetness and saltiness and well, right after we both came again, him in my mouth, and me on the floor, we heard Pansy coming down the hall. Francois, even though he never had to hide at Beaubatons, he took charge again. Whipped his wand out, hehe his magic wand," Draco broke in to laughter. Madam Pomfrey, despite her normally stern self, giggled a bit herself.

"So hehe… so he just starts cleaning everything up, and in about thirty seconds, I'm fully dressed, untied, the floor's clean, the desks are all straight, and he's just flat out disappeared. I assume he disillusioned himself. So I'm just standing there looking like a tornado just went through, leaning against the desk and Pansy comes through the door all 'Drakey-poo, where are youuuu' and I look at her and she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her, and finally she's like, 'What's up with the apple?'"

Draco's eyes went wide, and slowly moved up to his mouth showing Poppy what he had done. "I didn't even realize we had forgot about it. I had no idea what to do, so I just take a close my mouth and bite off this huge hunk of apple and now I've got a mouthful of apple and jizz I can't even swallow for fear of choking. I'm sitting there with her staring at me chewing for like three minutes and I finally get it all down and just say to her 'Eh, I like apples.'" Draco's Healer and only confidant broke out laughing.

Poppy was doubled over, with tears coming out of her eyes, trying to get herself under control. She kept repeating his line and laughing again. Draco was laughing, too, amused to see that she wasn't as strict as she often played. Eventually, she calmed enough to ask "What did she say?" "That's the best part, Madam Pomfrey, she… she asked for a bite!" Both burst into laughter again. Draco sputtered out: "She ate the whole damn thing!" and they laughed and laughed some more.

After a while, they had finally petered out and stopped setting each other off again. "So," Draco began, "After that, the rest of the year Francois and I used apples like that a lot of times, and I just started carrying them on me all the time. Not the used ones of course, but fresh ones from the kitchen. People found out obviously, so occasionally for the people like Crabbe and Goyle, and occasionally Pansy they'd ask for an apple and I'd have one. I'm surprised the Gryffs never picked up on it, but whatever. Sometimes, the rare minutes I left my room open, I told Pansy she could just come in and grab one and I wouldn't care."

"When Francois left, I was sad and all, but we met up again this summer, and I'd been using them to gag myself and masturbate without him, so when we met up, he showed me this really cool transfiguration. It's a ready made spell by some wizards in the West Coast of the United States, just cast it on whatever you want and it doesn't take too much concentration or power to maintain. Little enough that you can keep it going during orgasm. I'm sure it's obvious what it does. Took an image of his massive cock and with one spell I could turn whatever I want to into it and not worry about the magic failing. We used it a lot that week."

"So what happened this morning, well now that I think about it, it's actually kind of humorous. It was just a series of unfortunate events really, entirely my fault. I had used the apple that morning and was just done and was about to pull it out, when Pansy sticks her dumb ass head in and is just like 'Accio Apple'. 'Woosh' just like that, the dumb bitch summoned it right up to where it is now, and of course it scared me so much, and pulled me out from under the covers and I flopped naked right onto the floor in front of her. I lost control of the transfiguration, and all of a sudden I have a whole damn round apple shoved up my bumhole staring up at my betrothed. She had no idea how she possibly could have done any of that, so I just yelled up at her "You dumb bitch what did you do?!" and she ran away. And that's how you found me."

Poppy was shaking with silent laughter, barely was able to speak. "I'm so sorry this happened to you Draco, but will you be offended at all if I retell that anonymously to some people."

Draco shook his head yes. "Yeah, as I said, it's pretty funny now that I think back on it. A bit painful, but if it happened to someone else, I certainly would laugh, so go ahead. I think I'm ready for you to get it out, by the way."

Pomfrey smiled widely and held up a gloved hand, in which a shrunken, gross looking apple sat. "Got out a bit ago, Hon, but you just looked so happy talking about everything, I couldn't interrupt you. I said I thought I'd have a solution for you and I do. I have a book of similar spells to that which your friend used, and I think they'll do you wonders. I also want you to know that not only am I here for you, but truthfully you are not a bad kid, and if you want to stop playing the bad guy, we're here for you. Hell, Harry himself is quite an understanding guy, I think if you told him exactly what you told me tonight, and allowed me to confirm it, you two might be friends. As far as I'm aware he only has eyes for Hermione, so you probably wouldn't be that kind of friend, but he really is an understanding guy, just like you, and certainly no homophobe."

Draco rolled up to a sitting position, still getting feeling to his tender nether regions. "Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. You've been such a help tonight, I truly will consider doing exactly that."


	4. B3: Product of their raising

Published: 18.10.2013  
Edited: 21.10.2013  
Words: 5837  
Warning: Non-graphic mentions of inter-species sex as well as rape.  
Note: Writing Hagrid's accent is a pain, and I wrote this between 10pm and 6am, so I kinda stopped doing that halfway through. Sorry.

Pick-A-List-Competition by DobbyRocksSocks  
Medium Level, Weird Pairings and Spells List  
Story 3: Hagrid/Umbridge & Imperio (Unforgivable Human Control Spell)

* * *

Occasionally, they're a product of their raising.

Rebeus Hagrid was minding his own business, stooped over the Hogwarts garden when the quiet was disturbed by a rather large group of Second through Seventh years led by Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. Despite the rather slow, gentle giant he portrayed, Hagrid was in fact an exceedingly intelligent and rather powerful wizard; he would have to be to be one of Albus Dumbledore's most trusted hands. He noticed right away that this was Harry's training group that Ginny had called "Dumbledore's Army", and that the smaller ones looked terrified and the older ones weren't subtle enough while gripping their wands.

Hagrid had a very good idea what this was about, as Dumbledore had warned him Harry and the others were incredibly concerned about his recent change in routine. Of course, Dumbledore had trusted Hagrid to figure out how to play this one, but bringing the entire DA put a hitch in that particular plan. The large man gave no indication he had seen the group approach (from nearly the moment they left the castle, in fact) which gave him plenty of time to decide what to do. In the end, he shrugged mentally and figured he'd let Harry take the lead and just wing it. He continued to look oblivious until Harry and the group were in talking distance, and part of the group had already fanned out around him. He smiled at the leadership and tactics displayed by Harry and his unofficial platoon.

"Hey there Hagrid." Harry called out cautiously. raised himself and turned to greet Harry with a smile. "Ello there Harry. Oh! An' everyone else! Whater y'all doin out 'ere?" He sternly shook a finger at them. "Ya' know that mad woman Umbridge will all over yeh for breakin' 'er rules!" Little Dennis Creevey took a whole step back when Hagrid rose, and a solid half of the group cringed at the name 'Umbridge'. Hagrid internally chastised himself for allowing them to get this worked up over it, but was glad that they were as observant and concerned for his wellbeing as they were.

"Well Hagrid, we're actually here about Umbitch, but you're correct, we would not like to be caught out here. Do you think we can talk in your house?" Hermione asked. From the quick sideways glances issued by Harry and Ron, Hagrid suspected that this was a deviation from the plan. Perhaps they didn't consider where they would hold this meeting, or maybe Hermione was more trusting of him and had disagreed with the plan anyway. Regardless, Harry and Ron had nodded in agreement, probably understanding that they should show a unified front. Hagrid's report to Dumbledore was already half written with compliments for the Golden Trio's operation.

"All o' yeh? My house, err," Hagrid tugged his beard a bit, feigning embarrassment. "It's more of a hut yeh know? Just the three o' yeh take up as much as meself an' I don't think there's room for ten o' me." Hagrid wanted to see how they would react to another little monkey wrench. Surprisingly, Ron took the lead. "Well, not all of us, but I think we can put up a few space charms." He flipped his thumb towards Fred and George. "They're a favorite of the Twins." Four people shook their heads affirmatively until both pairs realized the other was also nodding, and glared across the garden at each other for a moment before shrugging and turning their attention back to Hagrid. "Right." Ron continued, "Why don't you head on back and we'll follow and figure it out by the time we get there?"

"Alrigh' then. I'll get some tea an' cakes goin'." Hagrid said with a smile, and moved right between the group, who parted like the red sea. As he passed, he tossed up a listening charm with his hidden wand. The secret magical focus was built specially for him, constructed from a branch of one of the oldest, strongest trees in Britain, the Fortingall Yew, and a core that was an amalgamation of several of the strongest magical creatures in existence: heartstring of a King Black Dragon, a feather from the alpha male of Hogwarts' Hippogriff Herd, and a hair from one of his best friends, the centaur Firenze. It was disillusioned and strapped to his wrist by on oversized duelists' quick release holster.

With his silent charm, Hagrid expected to hear Harry and his two partners send half the group back to the castle. He could tell that while they believed there was a problem, the three leaders as well as the other three Weasleys did not think he was going to be a threat despite that. Unfortunately for his previously glowing report, while they still had numbers on him, even if he was only the threat they thought he was, 15 was not enough. Actually, depending on the spells used, he would be severely injured but he could probably take down the full group non-lethally.

Interestingly, rather than all of the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and younger Gryffs, Harry asked Prefect Ernie Macmillan to escort the Creevey brothers to Gryffindor and Prefect Anthony Goldstein to escort all the Ravens except Padma. Harry didn't bother asking any other Gryffindors nor Hufflepuffs to leave, knowing they would make their decision without his input. Zachary Smith turned to follow the departing members without a word, while Justin Finch-Fletchley made a point to confirm with Harry that they had enough wands before leaving. Hagrid's charm couldn't pick up the glares at the back of Smith's head, but he knew enough about the House of the Badger to expect them.

The last bit of noise before the troop exited the area of his listening charm did surprise him. They had started to move when Harry, whose footsteps were noticeably lighter than any others, ceased walking and simply asked "Luna?". After a few seconds of silence, during which the entire group had stopped walking, Harry spoke up again: "Alright then." and walked on.

By the time the majority of Harry's troop arrived to Hagrid's hut, all magical objects and monitoring charms were removed, a missive was sent to Professor Dumbledore, the fire was stoked, tea and rock cakes were half prepared, and the young Cerberus Fang was fed and two of his heads magically hidden. It took Hagrid all of three minutes. At their knocking, Hagrid announced "Comin', Comin'." and opened the door. He went to step aside to wave the whole group in, but on second thought moved around to the opposite wall to leave them room.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville Longbottom were the first in. They went straight to the table and sat down, motioning Hagrid to join them with the tea. The Twins Weasley and Patil were next, and set to work expanding the inside of the hut significantly, while directing their spells to leave Hagrid rather closed in at the back of his home. The other two Seventh Years, Lee Jordan and Angelina Johnson came in next, along with the Sixth Years Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet, who had forced Fourth Year Ginny Weasley to come in behind them. The four older students began summoning chairs in a semi-circle facing Hagrid and the Trio.

Fourth Year Ravenclaw Luna Lovegood followed her friend in, looking much more calm than anyone else there. The Hufflepuff contingent, Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott, walked in, only their tightly clasped hands revealing their nervousness. Finally, the last of the Gryffindor Fifth Years came in: Lavender Brown, Seamus Finnegan, and Dean Thomas. Of the 29 member Dumbledore's Army, 19 found themselves in Hagrid's Hut.

Hagrid was amused. They had reflected the looks and tactics of the DMLE's Known Criminal Apprehension Group, or, as they are more widely known, the Hit Wizards. They had even shown a hint of Mad-Eye Moody when, while Hagrid passed around tea and rock cakes, some made small talk keeping his attention to one side while other side intermittently cast detection spells and other wards. They weren't perfect, given that none of them were specifically trained in that application of magic, but Hagrid was forced to reevaluate the group. They would, in fact, give him trouble, even with 10 of their members gone back to the castle.

He was proud of them and their leader. Of course, while he was thinking of the scarred Master Auror Moody, he thought to himself that the children had gone into a situation that was way out of their league and they had no idea. That would certainly get them more than a few weeks of Azkaban duty and physical training from the retired trainer. After a signal that Hagrid knew was given but, surprisingly, missed completely, Harry started right in with the subject of their interrogation. Hagrid joined him at the table.

"Hagrid, we're here to talk about some… things we've noticed over the past few weeks." Harry paused. "You know we're all friends here, right? You were my first friend, ever, Hagrid, the first person I ever remember caring for me. I know what you did for me that night, even if Sirius was innocent, and despite what I feel about the place Dumbledore left me. So when I see something that appears to be… out of sorts, I want to help you, like you help me. Get you out of that place, you see." Harry looked pained, and Hagrid could tell that he was holding both his wand and Hermione's hand under the table. She took over for him.

"Hagrid, we're not sure what's going on, or why, we only know what we saw, and what we saw is not something we like, for anyone's sake. A couple weeks ago, you were seen with Professor Umbridge. In her quarters. Since then, you were several places with her. This concerns us because as far as we know she hates you and others who she proclaims are below her." That statement floored Hagrid. He had no idea that they had been surveilling him since, at most, the second week. Hell, he had no idea that they had any sort of capabilities at all! Perhaps Professor Dumbledore should inquire with the portraits and house elves, or maybe just outright ask Harry.

"We don't want you to be hurt, Professor. She was seen casting the Imperious curse on you before all of your meetings." Hermione continued. "Having both witnessed and experienced the effects of the curse, I can see you are not affected by it. Being a half-giant, I know you aren't." Harry took over for her. "Hagrid, why are you going with her willingly? What are you doing with her? Do we need to get Dumbledore for you? You know he can help you, even if he's not here right now." Behind Harry, all of the other DA members were tensed and held their wands, some more discreetly than others.

Hagrid had yet to come up with a good plan but suddenly the absurdity of it all came out in a chuckle. It must have sounded approximately 100% more evil and deranged than he intended, because in about half a second, 18 wizards and witches were standing and the chairs were vanished. Fourteen of them, including the Golden Trio, had their wands on Hagrid, while two looked out the window and two faced the door. The last person was in the same seated position as before, in the center of the group, her pale blue eyes and serene smile unchanged despite the lack of chair. Hagrid immediately stopped laughing and looked up at Harry. "Fawkes." He said, quietly.

The bright red phoenix appeared with a muted flame, sensing that a full burn would startle the DA into the incorrect action. He landed directly in front of Harry on the table and stretched his head up to look directly into Harry's eyes. Several feelings passed through Harry, primarily loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness, and amusement. Harry understood the message that Hagrid was alright, and whatever he was doing was accepted by both Fawkes and Dumbledore. He also sensed that the magical fire turkey found the entire situation bloody hilarious.

Harry stowed his wand and reached up to scratch the back of Fawkes' head. "Fawkes says it's alright, so I say it's alright. Sorry to drag you all into something that was nothing, but," he turned around to the rest of the group who were relaxing finally. "thanks for trusting me enough to come out here with me. I'm not sure exactly what's going on here, but I will find out as much as I can, and tell you as much as I can as well. Weasleys stay. Neville too. Everyone else, have a good night, we'll see you Thursday. Stay safe, and watch out for the Slytherins and Umbitch."

With still pounding hearts, sweaty hands, and some hasty apologies and goodbyes to the subject of their raid, the majority of the group left. When all were gone except Neville and those who already knew of the Order of the Phoenix, Fred and George dropped the expansions. That was when they finally noticed that Fawkes was sitting on Luna who was sitting on nothing at all. They appeared to be singing to each other. "Luna, dear, care to join us?" Harry asked. Rather than respond directly, she looked into the eyes of the phoenix, who then looked backwards and passed the feeling of contentedness on to Harry. "Alright then, at least take a chair please." He said with a smile and slid his chair around her. She reached out and softly pulled him down to her level, and kissed him on the cheek, whispering "Thanks, love."

Harry moved back to the table, beside Hermione. To his left were Ron, Fred, and George, To his right were Hermione, Neville, and Ginny. On the table was an open letter in Albus Dumbledore's writing and with his broken seal. Hermione had just finished reading it aloud to the assembled. Hagrid, having read it when he first got it, was busy passing out tea. In it the letter, Dumbledore had responded to one of Hagrids letters, telling him that "Harry and my army are getting suspicious and concerned about your current operation. They will approach you soon. It is up to you how you respond and amount of detail. Call Fawkes if you need assistance." To everyone but Neville, that meant that whatever Hagrid was doing was for the Order and approved and monitored by Dumbledore. Sensing Neville's confusion, Harry took over for Hermione.

"Neville, I don't think anyone ever told you, and I'm so sorry it took until now for us to do so, but, well, see for yourself." Harry said, holding up a picture of the First Order of the Phoenix that hadn't left his possession since he received it. "Our parents, yours and mine, and the Weasleys' uncles, and dozens of others were in Dumbledore's actual army. They were among the only ones fighting in the last war, and they were forced to do so outside the law despite over half of them being ministry personnel. Almost everyone you see here are dead… or worse. That's why we started the DA, Neville. They were called the Order of the Phoenix. They had more people then, on top of now they're directly fighting the Ministry, too. We're not technically full members like Hagrid here, but we had to do something. We know Riddle's out there killing, and we need training. It doesn't matter if we want to, or we should, or what our parents would want, we are going to have to be warriors in this eventually. We'll tell you more later, but first we have to talk to Hagrid here about Umbridge." Neville just nodded, holding the picture as tightly as he was holding back his tears.

Hermione recognized that that was the first time Harry said with such conviction and finality that they would be fighting. It was a big step, and she grasped his hand to comfort him, even if he didn't show that he needed it.

Hagrid had nodded along, having not said much since he accidentally wound up with over a dozen wands in his face. At least, until Harry directed the conversation back in his direction. He coughed a bit to stall, and Ginny tapped her feet a bit. "Ahem, yes, well... Blimey tha was a good show Harry, and all of ye too! I can not believe how much yeh kids look up to this boy, how much a leader you are.. Yeh looked like a bunch o' aurors comin' in here. Never been so damn excited in me life. I tell yeh!" It was the kids' turn to be floored as Hagrid heaped praise on them for their veritable attack on him.

"Harry, I don' care wha' Dumbledore says, you seven… err, eight I guess, if Miss Lovegood would like, yer all joining the Order and gettin' the real trainin'." Hagrid finished emphatically. All of the teenagers smiled sadly that they would join a war that should never have happened, but thankful that someone believed they were ready. "So, about this Umbridge bid'ness. Firs' thing is, ya guys gotta know tha' you buggered up big time." Again, the teens were shocked, and Hermione voiced the group: "But you just said we did good?"

"Tha' I did, 'ermione. Ya gathered information, ya discovered a major problem, you attempted to address it with yer superiors, who either 'ad no additional information, or were unable ta respond. After tha' ya assessed the threat, came up with what was likely an exceptional plan of action. Ya trained yer troops, led with conviction, worked with everyone's strengths." Hagrid gushed happily. "Ya kept everyone workin' together after contact with yer enemy, and adapted to changes. And Merlins' beard ye guys, that reaction time! 'alf a second and ya had me dead to rights! Ya even planned for Umbridge defendin' me from this sort of raid." He finished with a hand slap on the table "Dead to rights! I tell yeh." He paused for a second, but Hermione caught on before he could speak.

"We missed something. Something major, not having anything really to do with Umbridge or this operation directly. Something that, from the word 'Go', never came up. What is it? What didn't we account for?" Hermione inquired, always ready to learn from her rare mistakes. Hagrid smiled at her, but rather than telling her directly, he pointed over their shoulders. "Miss Lovegood looks like she knows. It's why she didn't go back with Goldstein and the other Ravens, and why she was still seated when her chair disappeared. I could see it in 'er eyes I could. She was smilin' at you all the way 'ere. But she didn' tell you because she knew it was somethin' that needed ta happen. A learnin' experience, just as I felt it would be. O' course she don' know the whole story, so don' go blastin' off on her over this later, ya hear!" Hagrid finished roughly.

Hermione addressed the girl behind her. "Luna, love, care to share with the rest of the class?" Fawkes and Luna ceased their singing, and he hopped up on her shoulder, looking at the other eight people in the room. "Neither Albus Dumbledore nor Alastor Moody are the most effective and feared Dark Wizard Hunter of the twentieth century. Even at half their age, Rubeus Hagrid alone has that distinction. Mum was his partner for almost five years."

Hagrid replied sadly "One of the best, Selene was. Miss 'er every day." Seven wide-eyed, slack jawed faces slowly turned to face who they thought was a gentle giant and groundskeeper. Not one of them ever saw his true self coming. Fred and George erupted in twinspeak: "Not one of us would have survived. There were 29 of us. If you were really against us, every last one of us would be dead. Or wished we were... Bloody Hell Hagrid." They finished together.

While Hermione's agile mind had stalled her stupid, Harry's was working at uncharacteristic light speed, analyzing every past interaction. He tipped his head slightly and said to Hagrid "Why not Sirius, then, that night?" Hagrid had expected that question eventually. He shook his head sadly. "I was damn near as broken as 'e was that night, 'arry. I always knew 'e wasn' the secret keeper, and would never betray yer mum and da'. Ye see, yer mum 'ad been me partner at the time. For three years, 'er and I would go do bad things ta people that deserved it. I was the power and experience, she was the finesse and pure intellect."

"I was always at yer 'ouse, even after ya were born. I could see with me own two eyes 'ow much yer mom loved the three of ya, you, James, and Sirius, and I could see 'ow much they loved 'er too. 'Cept for durin' trainin', yer mum an' I only ran into them two in the field three times, and all three times it was against Riddle himself. It was like I wasn' even there, them three fought so hard for each other. I never seen nothin' like it, an' wouldn' believe it meself if I 'adn't seen it twice more."

"Sirius woulda killed himself long before he ever considered betraying yer family, 'arry. So that night, I knew it wasn' him, but Professor Dumbledore 'ad said it was, an' I was just as broken as Sirius. I thought perhaps Albus 'ad sacrificed James and Lily to kill Riddle an' was lyin' ta me. Tha's why ya didn't get ta the blasted Dursley's fer two days. I took yeh, 'arry, to me dad's old 'ouse. Told me 'ouse elf Robbin ter 'ide you away an' raise yeh if I didn' come back. I confronted Dumbledore. Wand to his neck I made him swear on his life and magic to never lie to me, to never use double speak intended to mislead me, and to swear that he had not sacrificed James and Lily that night. 'e swore alright. Told me everythin'. The prophecy. Snape. Everythin'. Said as far as 'e knew, Sirius was guilty, whether by choice or by torture an' magic, Sirius was the Secret Keeper an' failed 'is duties." Hagrid had tears running down his face.

"After tha', I felt so terrible about what I'd done to Albus, I swore on my life and magic to serve 'im for the rest of me life, and to never willingly give up 'is secrets without permission an' all that. The kind of oath I made him swear, ye can't back out of, ye can't undo. 'e can skirt it, but it's painful and I know right away, so the least I could do was give 'im a similar oath. 'e is a great man tha' Albus Dumbledore." This was the first time Hagrid had ever talked about the situation with anyone, and the battle-hardened warrior let his emotions out for the first time in years. He was bawling over memories of the past war, that Halloween night, and his assault on his friend and mentor. Through his tears, he cried out "Failed Lily… Failed James… Failed Albus… Failed Sirius… even failed Frank, Alice, and Selene."

Harry stood up, walked around the table, and hugged as much of the half-giant as he could. The others, including Luna joined him in comforting the large man, and Fawkes began singing a calming melody. After a full ten minutes, Hagrid had calmed enough to speak clearly. The teenagers slowly separated from him, and Fawkes hopped up on his broad shoulder. Luna joined the group at the table for the first time, sitting between Harry and Ron.

"Thanks, yah all. I am what I am an' I don' get to talk about it much, let alone cry about it. So thanks." Neville and Ginny, sitting closest to him, both grabbed one of his massive hands. "We're glad to be here for you Hagrid." said Ginny. "You've given us a lot to think about and a lot more understanding, and we haven't even gotten to Umbridge yet." She finished. At that, Neville glanced over at Hermione, Harry, and Ron, who all looked a bit unsure, so he added "You don't have to tell us right now Hagrid. Or at all I guess, but we want to know, well I can't say so we can help you as you've obviously got it under control, but the rest of the group will want to know that we've confirmed you're totally okay. We can't tell them about you being a Dark Wizard Hunter, only your secrets that we have permission to discuss."

"Based on what Fawkes told me," Harry said, "it's something pretty funny, and I think we could all use some laughs right about now, don't you think?" He smiled at Hagrid who was contemplating doing just that. The phoenix on his shoulder was frantically nodding his head confirming Harry's statement.

"Yeah, I guess I should after all I've already told ya… Heh, it's a pretty simple con job really. She think's she's controlling me, when really, I've got her completely. As you said, Hermione, I'm completely immune to the Imperius, even from a Master Legillimens such as Riddle or Dumbledore. So one day, probably less than two weeks before ya caught me, she attempts to sneak up on me, thinkin' she had me good, and casts an Imperio on me. Now, before this, she was dangerously deranged and had temper shorter than her wand, but never a Dark Witch, so I'd never got involved. But this time, she went over the line. So I let it happen, and make her think she's controlling me."

"She orders me around a bit, testing out my reactions and whatnot. I could tell she'd used that spell a lot, and from the way it felt, it seemed like she just used it to discreetly get her way, not to kill. I could also tell, though, that she'd never used it on a master of several defensive and offensive magical disciplines including Occlumency, let alone one who is a half-giant. So I just fake it, make her think she's got me good. That first time, it was just menial tasks and opening up the connection to be reused later. She cast an Obliviation spell right after, but again, had never used it on a half giant Master Occlumens, both of which independently negate any effects of that spell."

"I went straight to Dumbledore of course, and he told me the same thing he told me about you guys: just let it play out and make my own decision how to handle it, and he would be there on the off chance I got in too deep. I let it happen a few more times over the next few days, and it's the same thing. Longer, more difficult tasks and more detailed instructions, when finally she tells me to follow her back to her quarters." The enraptured teens sucked in a breath. "What'd she do then?" asked Ginny.

"That first time, ten steps into her quarters, she turns around, and says, I swear to merlin she says in that terrible bitchy voice of hers 'Hem, hem. Mister Hagrid, I want you to get on my bed, and bugger me silly!'" Half the table did a spit take while Fred, George, and Neville went into fits of laughter at Hagrid's near-perfect impression and the insane request of the disgusting woman. "Wha… but she… what?" sputtered Hermione. "What'd you do then?" asked Ron. All of Hagrid's massive facial hair shifted upwards as he smiled widely.

"Why, I did what any gentleman would do. I hopped up on that there bed and buggered her silly!" Harry, Ron, and Hagrid joined the other males in laughing hysterically while the girls failed miserably at playing the mature route. It was a wonder that the all of Hogwarts wasn't alerted to the story being told in Hagrid's Hut. The only thing that would have made it better was passing around a keg of butterbeer and a bottle of firewhiskey.

After the laughter petered out most of the way, Hermione asked her question. "So all this time being a self-righteous, xenophobic, blood-purist, racist, bitch, all she wanted was a good lay?" The boys laughed again at her question, but Hagrid responded without smiling. "Well it was a bit more complicated than that. After the third time, I realized that that was what she was using me for, not for anything particularly heinous. Granted, she's no veela and no Olympe, but you don't always have a willing woman fall into your lap, so like I said, it wasn't so heinous. So then, I talked it over with Dumbledore, and we looked at how best to use this to our advantage."

"After about a month routine of crazy weird sex, I reversed the imperius on her. She didn't even remotely realize it. We went through the same routine as the week before, but this time I was truly controlling her. Not forcing her to have sex with me, mind you, just to be more open mentally to me, while still following her previous routine. After another week of getting her used to it, I started looking deeper into her mind and looking at what made her tick and why she was the way she was, on top of any plans she had. It's actually kind of a sad story. She wasn't born the racist, xenophobic bitch she is, she was turned into that by her parents." The boys had stopped laughing and were paying attention now.

"It started back in her first year of school. Her father wanted to start a business and tried to sell her off to a one of the Lords. At 11, she didn't know much about sex, and the Lords' son, who was 16 at the time, said he didn't want her because she didn't know how to please him. Disgusted that his own daughter cost him money, he forced her to practice with her house elf." All at the table grimaced. "It wasn't pleasant for either of them at first, but by the time she was 14, she had started to fall in love with this house elf, and he with her. Her father attempted to sell her again, and she told him 'No' and that she loved the house elf." Hermione let out a small "Oh no."

Hagrid sighed. "It went over as badly as you could imagine. The house elf was tortured to death in front of her, after which she was beaten nearly to death several times, and they finished by having her spend the next three years being used as a toy for all the Lords. It damaged her severely, and she channelled all that hate and anger into what she is now. She had everything stolen from her, and focused it into politics." Hagrid paused for a moment, reflecting at what was essentially a lost life. "Now, most of the Lords knew what she was and why, so she had to fight tooth and nail to go up and up. Her time at the ministry and spiteful nature kept her away from her so-called 'lesser breeds' so much so that she repressed the memory of being in love with a house-elf."

"That all changed when they sent her here." Hagrid continued. "There are more house-elves than children here, a half-goblin and a quarter-goblin, two partial veela, a partial siren, and myself, a half-giant, and probably more that are more private than we've been. All these things that she had hated, but never dealt with, were part of her every day life now. She knew she could never go after the children because of the wards, but that didn't stop her from going after me and Professor Flitwick. Flitwick, being part goblin, is so resistant that he literally did not feel her cast the spell. To Umbridge, she thought she just missed time after time. That was when she tried me."

"At first she just wanted to dominate me for being less than her. Than it progressed to the bedroom, where her repressed memories came out. In the end, I think she simply wants to feel loved, and the only way she can feel that is with a non-human like her first lover who dominates her like the rapists of her teenage years did." Hagrid finished sadly.

"That's so terrible." Said Harry. "So what happens now?" asked Luna. Ron interrupted: "What the hell, bird, that wasn't a funny story at all!" Fawkes squawked at all of them, and they each felt intense embarrassment and shame followed by something akin to understanding and acceptance. Luna translated. "I think that's the point, Ron. We're supposed to see that Umbridge is not pure evil, but someone who now has something to be that's better for her, and secondarily better for the rest of us. She's a sentient being no different than the rest of us. She is a product of her environment."

"Well said Luna." Hagrid jumped in, looking like he had an epiphany. "That actually just helped me make my mind up. After getting all the information we could out of her about the Ministry and Fudge, we weren't sure how to proceed with her, so for the past two months, it's pretty much been keeping the status quo. But -" Hagrid was interrupted. "Wait," said Ron, "Does that mean you were still having sex with her?" he asked.

"Well, yeah," Hagrid responded. "It *was* consensual, even if she's not yet aware I consented." He shrugged. "Anyway, Luna and Fawkes, thank you both. I know now that what I need to do, what I want to do, is make her see that there's a different way to live her life, that she doesn't need to live a lie anymore or be that evil person. She can find love, and while I'm not sure right now that I will love her myself, I certainly won't stop helping her until she finds someone."

The whole group looked surprisingly happy with this outcome. It is very hard to think of someone you hate as a human being that could change. Yet these teenagers, all of whom have at one point or another had their lives flipped upside down by genuine Dark Wizards, had hope that one of the people they despised the most would be able to be saved. The five young wizards, three young witches and one half giant Dark Wizard Hunter sat around that table drinking tea and talking openly until just an hour before curfew.

Harry finally spoke up something their host had said much, much earlier. "Hagrid, what was it you said about a prophecy and Professor Snape?"

The normally stoic man paled intensely, and sputtered out "I shouldn't've said tha'. I should NOT have said tha'."


	5. B4: Their own choice

Published: 20.10.2013  
Edited:21.10.2013  
Words:2670  
Warning: non-graphic mentions of incest bestiality and rape, character death  
Note: I started writing this, but then I got nearly 5k words in and realized it would have been about 20k-40k words long or more, so restarted closer to the scene I imagined when I heard the prompt.

Pick-A-List-Competition by DobbyRocksSocks  
Medium Level, Weird Pairings and Spells List  
Story 4: Aberforth/Goat & Alohomora (Unlocking Spell)

* * *

Sometimes, it really is their own choice.

Potter's Army had spent the last eight months working around the world on this one case. The international manhunt had already cost them several million galleons, political relations with two countries, and they had nearly started a Goblin rebellion. Of course, the Gringotts Goblins had caused a significant amount of turmoil on their own by ignoring treaties and providing incorrect information in direct violation of several hundred years of process and agreements. The fact that the Goblins themselves had taken care of the issue by killing a few dozen of their own clans is all that kept Britain and Harry Potter from being sanctioned.

At least, that's what the public was led to believe. Potter's Army was very careful to keep themselves a Light Sided group including several overarching oaths that ensured this, but really they had enough power that sanctions were never going to happen. Potter's Army had single-handedly destroyed the Dark Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters before they had a chance to infect the rest of Europe with their evil and hate. The vacuum left behind by the utterly destroyed Pureblood Powerbase was cautiously and begrudgingly filled by those who had taken an extensive series of oaths to, essentially, do no evil.

Hereditary seats in more than two dozen magical governments had passed to Harry Potter when he defeated Voldemort, though he hadn't used them in the three years he'd had them, and never really planned to. However, this was one case he had to pursue. What makes man evil is not power but how they wield it. Harry Potter wielded it to the annoyance of some but not to the detriment of any, only to give them a little leeway to reach their target. And reach their target they did.

Like every major event in Harry's 24 years, his role was Fate's bitch, and She took particular joy in playing fiddle with the threads of Harry's life on one particular Pagan harvest festival time after time: All Hallows' Eve. It was the last night in October, the 23rd anniversary of his Parents' murder, the 13th anniversary of his introduction into the Magical world, the 9th anniversary of the start of the Second Blood War, the 6th anniversary of his wedding, the 3rd anniversary of the death of his best friend and end of the War, and tonight, his first child was expected to greet the world.

Despite the mourning, celebration, and anticipation Harry should have been participating in back in Britain, he was two thousand feet up a mountain looking down on a farm hidden in an oasis valley in the bloody Sahara desert in bloody rutting Algeria. He wasn't alone though. While 10 of the Army's core members had stayed with his wife, the other 22 were spread out around the area, preparing a late night breach on what was according to their best analysis, just a farm.

Around the perimeter, a low stone wall designated a rectangle of property, a few hundred yards wide on the north and south ends but nearly two miles long. Outside the wall was a few square miles of dense woods that sloped up into the mountain range. Inside the wall, the trees were much older and much less dense. To the north, a third of the property was taken up by several overgrown fields. Their resident Herbology expert estimated they had last been tended to between eighty and ninety years ago. South of that, covering the width of the property was a lake. The east side had the shortest distance from shore to shore, and a covered bridge crossed over it. Further east, outside the wall, the source stream could be followed all the way up into the mountains. On the southern shore sat a dilapidated barn, with a small dock jutting into the water. Beyond that, sitting on a small hill which was just barely thirty feet higher than the rest of the farm, was a small log cabin, its brick chimney spouting a steady stream of gray smoke.

"Well," Harry said, his voice coming through 22 enchanted communicators, "We're all here. Backup teams Alpha and Bravo and Extraction teams Alpha through Delta are in place. All our data points to this being the location. Zero of three enemy target have been spotted but they are here. We all know what's going to go down, but I want to remind you what we got here. Target one is danger level seven. Lethal force authorized. Target two is a compromised friendly, danger level three. Lethal force is not authorized. Target three..." Luna could see that Harry was hurt by referring to that particular person as a target, and finished for him. "Target three is typically danger level ten, but is severely weakened and unlikely to fight. Do not engage."

Harry regathered himself and shifted into warrior mode. "Olliver?" Oliver Wood was leading half of his former quidditch team who were conducting surveillance and long distance protection. "Clear. Ready for anything Harry." Harry nodded. "Lets get this thing started then. Move in."

Harry watched as the field was cleared first. They knew that the Fidelius charm was one of their target's specialties, so Potter's Army had made defeating the charm theirs. Two teams, Draco, Daphne, Hannah, and Susan to the West, and Bill, Fred, George, and Ginny to the East, cautiously entered the property. Slowly converging at the center, performing flawlessly, they determined that there were no hidden areas, magical or otherwise, north of the lake. They exited over the North wall, and not even a single bug was aware they had been in the area.

Harry nodded to his two partners, Luna and Tracey, who then joined him in shifting to the western wall where it met the lake. Spread out along the wall to the south were the last two teams, Tonks who lead Fleur, Parvati, and Padma, and Neville, who led Terry, Colin, and Dennis. Across the farm, the field teams had spread out along the east wall. On Harry's signal, all 19 people went over the wall and into the farm. With expert precision, they searched the land for signs of hidden buildings and other magic, but just like the field, there was absolutely nothing detected. This time though, instead of exiting the property, two teams converged at the house, while the other two continued towards the barn. Neville reported on the house.

"Target three is here. He looks just like you said he would. We're moving down to the barn." He said. Harry, Luna, and Tracey immediately headed towards the cabin. With a small hitch in his voice, Neville whispered "Tell him we're sorry, Harry, all of us."

With the house between them and the barn, Harry made himself visible. Beside him, Luna was under the Peverell Cloak while Tracey maintained the Army's concealment. Despite knowing what they would find inside, Harry wanted to have some backup in case he was wrong. He sighed sadly and walked right through the front door, not bothering with a tactical breach or even holding his wand. The moonlight glowed into the small space, highlighting the large form of their third target, laying on a cot that was straining under his size. The man rolled his head over and looked up at the intruder with tears in his eyes. "'ello 'arry." he said with distinct accent and a painful sounding wheeze.

"Hello Hagrid. It's been a while." Harry left enough room and time for Luna and Tracey to enter before shutting the door and dragging a chair beside his first ever friend. "I'm so sorry, Hagrid, we all are. We should have seen it before…" Tears fell silently down his cheeks.

"It's alright Harry, you did the best you could." Hagrid stopped to cough a bit. "He's a clever man, a great man, even. He just wasn't ever the good man I thought he was." If he could have kicked something, he would have. "How he managed to hide the truth and not cross my oaths I'll never know. I was able to hide how it was affecting me, though." Hagrid tried to smile, but his body was failing him. "I could feel you getting closer, I kept getting weaker and weaker as you became more of a threat to him and I ignored the call to defend him. He has no idea you're here."

"Thank you Hagrid. You are the great man, far greater than he ever was, and far more good, my friend. Is there anything I can do for you?" Harry said. Hagrid tilted his head slightly sideways. "I'm dying Harry. You need to end him." Hagrid thought for a second. "No, I'm going out on my terms, I'm choosing my own death." He had a sharp look in his eyes "It's just him and Abe, they're down at the barn. Take my wand." The statement, in direct opposition of his lord, began the process of invoking the final penalty of Hagrid's oaths, and he groaned in pain. "Hermione, Luna, Tracey come here, let me see you." he gasped out.

The two girls made themselves visible, and knelt beside Hagrid. Harry got off his chair and moved closer to Hagrid as well. "Hagrid, Hermione's having a baby. She's back home now, and she's due tonight." Harry said, tears flowing down all three of their faces. Through his pain, Hagrid smiled fully. "You're going to be a father?" Hagrid coughed and wheezed, his whole body shaking. He looked directly into Harry's eyes. "You take care of them, you hear? And you girls, don't let him get into no more trouble okay?" The girls nodded, holding on to each other for support.

"Tell Delores I love her." he whispered. "Anything for you, Hagrid." Harry said. With his last bit of strength, Hagrid lifted both of his arms out to the three standing beside him. "See you on the other side, friends." he whispered with his final breath, hugging the three adults. His eyes closed, and the power of his magic enforced oaths took him from this world.

Harry, Luna, and Tracey embraced their deceased friend for a moment longer before carefully lifting his arms and placing them at his sides. The three of them stood together, holding on to each other and letting their emotions out. After a few minutes, they heard Bill through the communicator. "We're all set down here, the only magic we're detecting is a door locking spell. Are we proceeding without you?"

Harry's eyes glowed. He let go of Luna and Tracey, and suddenly Hagrid's multi-core yew wand flew into his left hand, while his own phoenix feather and holly wand appeared in his right. He apparated directly in front of the barn, the power of his magic dragging Luna, Tracey, and part of the table with him. Visible waves of pure magic rolled off of him. "A door locking spell, huh?" he asked. The teams began moving in from behind him while Bill answered affirmatively. "We'll see about that." He pointed both wands at the door of the barn, and screamed "Alohomora!"

All 18 of the approaching people stopped dead in their tracks as the first year charm erupted from Harry's wands. Everything in the valley flashed blue. The wave of magic closed the distance to the barn with an awe inspiring roar and everyone watched, stunned. Almost the entire barn was vaporized from the dirt floor to the hay loft. Left behind was the large barn door Harry had aimed at, which stood tall for a moment in the ensuing silence. A second later, it fell backwards into the empty space with a loud bang, spewing dust out sideways. Revealed behind the door was a sight that disgusted Harry, but didn't surprise him as much as it did everyone else.

Chained face down to the floor was Aberforth Dumbledore. On top of him was a hairless, hornless goat looked as shocked as an animal could be at the method with which Harry interrupted him. Abe fell out from under the goat, who then transformed into Albus Dumbledore. The human form, like the goat, was hairless, nude, and severely burned from Harry's slightly overpowered spell, and erect from the brutal rape of his brother. He pointed the Death Stick at Harry. "Ah, Harry. You surprise me. Normally the hero comes to the villain's lair, not the other way around. I haven't even had enough time to finish my plan to defeat you and become the savior of the Wizarding World again." Despite the batshit insane words, Albus managed to still use his infuriatingly pseudo-grandfatherly voice.

Though they're plan had not included vaporizing a building, Potter's Army knew that they had nothing to learn from, and would not be negotiating or chatting with, their supposedly dead headmaster. He made his own choices, he was the person who masterminded almost seventy-five years of war and genocide, and killed Ron with his own wand. There was nothing that could change his deluded mind. As one, they each sent various lethal spells at the man. Harry, an expert in all things Dumbledore, knew the crazed old man would attempt to use his brother as a hostage or sacrifice him to block the spells, and launched a reversed spherical shield in addition to several others spells. The shield was designed to allow spells to go one way: from the outside in, and it saved Aberforth.

Even if Albus had the Elder Wand's allegiance, it wouldn't have been enough to stop the carnage launched at him. Combined with the effects attempting to use it against its True Master, who happened to also be incredibly powerful and royally pissed off, and said Master's reverse shield meant it was much worse. In that instant, the magic present in the sphere caused Albus to feel every pain, negative emotion, and death he had caused in his 120 years of life, before his body, mind, magic, and soul were shredded into nothingness. To Harry and the others, it looked more like a black hole had swallowed their spells, but they knew they had finally taken out their target because of the immense weight they all felt being removed, and the soft noise of the Elder Wand falling to the ground.

The chains and spells binding Abe to the ground disappeared with their caster. Upon his groans, the group healers, Colin and Dennis were the first to move, rushing forward to help him. Harry sank to his knees between Luna and Tracey. They quickly conjured a bench and sat him on it, before hugging him tightly from either side. The three of them sat that way for over an hour, crying over the relief that it was all finally over. Around them, Draco took charge, organizing transportation of Hagrid and Aberforth back to Britain and for two teams to remain behind. They were asked to figure out why Dumbledore had been hiding there, and if it was necessary, to simply level the entire area, burying any magic and disrupting any clues or signs that might lead someone there, or cause interest in excavating it. Another team was sent to the Algerian Ministry of Magic to explain what had happened and attempt to rebuild the political relationship with Britain. Everyone else was sent back home.

When all but Draco, Harry, Tracey, and Luna were gone, the area was silent for the first time that night. Draco approached them, and placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. The younger man looked up at him. Draco said "It's over Harry. It's time to go. You've got a baby and a wife who need you there." He held out an old boot to them. They each held on to a part of it, and Draco said "There's no place like home."

The two wizards and two witches made it to St. Mungo's Maternity ward at 11:30 pm, October 31, 2004. Harry and Hermione's first son, Rubeus James Potter, was born at 12:01am, November First.

All was well.


	6. B5(1): Predicting the Future

Published: 27.10.2013  
Words: 4898  
Warning: Mentions of interspecies marriage

Notes: It's been a rough week. I got up to the Hospital wing scene, and then life happened, so I have to cut it short here, and return to it another time. I'll probably write another 2-3k words on this specific prompt in another chapter after the rest of the challenge is completed. I wrote this under the assumption that it was again in the same universe as (at least) the previous three stories, and hinted at several things that have already happened in universe as well as many things that are still coming, even though I probably won't write any of them. I apologize if this is too confusing.

Pick-A-List-Competition by DobbyRocksSocks  
Medium Level, Weird Pairings and Spells List  
Story 5: Firenze/Trelawny & Stupefy (Stunning Spell)

* * *

Predicting the Future and Other Extreme Sports

Eighteen year old Ron Weasley tipped his head to the side, thinking very intensely. He was having an odd feeling of deja vu, but was having a terrible time placing the memory. Deciding it was probably the ridiculous outfit they were forced to wear, he called out to his friend. "Oi! Harry!"

Harry Potter, forty days short of 18, looked up just in time to block a dark yellow curse that had made it past his friend. He responded by flipping curses in two directions for a moment. "Thanks Ron!" Harry yelled. Though the redhead hadn't noticed what his unintentional warning had resulted in, he hollered back "Welcome, Harry." in between curses, charms, and shields. Then he asked his friend, "Hey, I'm getting the strangest feeling of deja vu. Do you remember doing this before?"

That question utterly confused the third person present. Hermione Granger ducked down into their fortified position and stared at Ron for a moment. She sensed that the Death Eaters on her side thought they hit her and had shifted their fire, and took the opportunity jump up and spread a dozen curses out while yelling at Ron. "What the bloody hell do you think we've been doing the past three years? Picking daisies?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Not what I was talking about, Hermione. Like what you did with the skirt by the way." Harry knew what was about to happen and put a large shield towards his opponents while him while pulling Ron towards himself. Hermione had been wearing a long, fluffy, bright blue bridesmaid dress at the start of the event, and was now wearing a nearly shredded, dirt and blood covered cocktail dress, having torn most of the fabric away help her mobility.

Hermione's nostrils and magic flared. "This was my grandmum's dress you idiot!" she screamed at him. The wide orange curse that accompanied her yell wouldn't have hit Ron even without Harry's intervention, but it did manage to reach the stand of trees he had been firing into and drop a pair of them on some Death Eaters. Harry then was forced to grab Hermione by the arm and pull her to the floor to get her out of the way of several spells.

"Children! Please!" Harry yelled at his two older friends. "Hermione, you know he talks during battles because he gets nervous and it calms him down. You need to deal with it. Ron, you know you can't say stupid shite like that to Hermione because it pisses her off and eventually we're going to have to start capturing some of these bastards instead of killing them all. For the hundredth time, stop bloody fighting each other and fight them!" As he finished, he push his wand in the air, a silver disc appearing at its tip.

Just as several incoming spells reached it, Harry pulled his wand down sending the disc shield out over the three comrades. The spell, a specialty of another man who often found himself outnumbered, Mad-eye Moody, reflected the incoming spells, a third of which were direct hits on their castors, and another third were barely blocked and still did some damage. The overpowered spell nearly wiped Harry out as much as it did their enemies.

"Harry!" Hermione scolded "You can't keep doing that Harry, we need you out here!" She quickly pulled out a piece of parchment and tapped her wand on it. "Okay look," she said, pointing at a map that was enchanted similarly to the Marauders' Map. "All the guests are out, everyone on our side looks okay right now, but you're done Harry, and we've still got the largest groups focused on us."

Ron, the resident tactician, jumped in. "They're here for the Centaurs and they're already gone, so let's just move back up here," he pointed to the map where it showed the largest group of their allies at the top of the hill, "and start pushing down at them, they'll retreat pretty much right away. Only problem is to get there, we have to go the long way."

There was an explosion far to close for their comfort and the teens all popped up at the same time to return fire in three directions. They had managed to plan this operation down to the second smallest detail (hence why Hermione's dress was ruined) and for the first time in three years they knew they had the opportunity to completely route Voldemort's forces. The newly christened Potter's Army had it's first showing, and it was approaching complete success. Though they had a different name until just a short while ago, the 20-odd members had been fighting against the Death Eaters for the duration of the war and it showed in their flawless tactics. Unfortunately, no plan survives contact with the enemy, and the Trio had gotten separated from the lion's share of their allies, and would need to rejoin them to end the skirmish.

Harry ducked down after just a few under powered spells "I don't have enough left for this. Let me see if I can get us out of here." He studied the map for a minute, following names and movements and picturing it overlayed on the terrain outside their position. Harry suddenly noticed something very, very bad, and pulled both his friends down to look at it. "Ron look at this." Ron saw where Harry's finger was pointed and gasped. "I see it Harry." Talking mostly to Hermione, he explained "We need to go west down the hill, then to the right around the creek. Take out this group here, and then run like hell back over this little ridge and hope to Merlin we make it there before the werewolves coming over the northwest fence do, because Luna, Tracey, and Draco think Tonks is back there, but that group about to engage further down the hill to the northeast and by the time anyone realizes they'll be dead, or worse."

Harry agreed, that was exactly what he had seen in the movements in that part of the battlefield, and Hermione agreed, trusting them to know what was happening. She held up a brown paper bag with three red Ws in the corner and a bold label shouting 'Distractions'. "Let's get moving." They each took a handful of marbles out of the bag, and on Ron's count, chucked them out of their bunker towards the enemy positions. Light, noise, smoke, potions, and spell fire erupted from each of the balls as they hit the ground and trees around them. The Death Eaters were disoriented and just unfocused enough for the Trio to safely sprint unnoticed down to the creek.

"Fred's not going to be happy we used his entire stock in one go." Ron said quietly as they ran north. "He'll be perfectly fine once we explain who we saved and from what." Hermione said with clenched teeth. "I guess so. Oh that reminds me, Harry, what I was asking before, the deja vu. I meant that we'd been at a wedding and we were attacked… Except Bill's was the only other wedding we went to, and it wasn't attacked." Hermione interjected a quiet "You're clearly insane." but Ron ignored her. He was going to speak again, but they reached six Death Eaters who were firing spells up the hill, trying to destroy the stone path that him and Harry had mapped out as their route.

The sound of their maneuver had been covered by the sounds of battle, so they were able to run right up to the enemies before firing. Harry and Hermione were able to take out both their targets quickly but Ron's second target was a bit faster and a bit too close. Ron's wand was parried up and away by the masked man. He was surprised, but this was something they had prepared for as well. He punched out with his empty right hand, catching the Death Eater on his masked mouth and down he went. Hermione assisted him by stunning and binding the still conscious Dark Wizard.

"Good one, Ron." Harry said sarcastically. Him and Ron began to move up the hill. "Hah! I was right!" Hermione was giggling and looking at the back of the pearl white mask. "Of course you were Hermione, but about what this time?" Harry asked, amused. "Come on guys, I'm in pain here, and we've still got to get up that hill." Ron said, waving his wand over his hand and jogging towards the path. Harry and Hermione followed him.

Hermione replied to Harry. "The masks they have, they're made in China. Got the Time Warner logo and everything." Harry chuckled. "How the heck did a bunch of British Pureblood idiots get a hold of a stockpile of Guy Fawkes masks?" They both shook their heads, running back up the path towards their friends. Ron stopped them at the edge of the woods, holding the map.

"We got less than a minute to cross this field." He pointed across 200 meters of grass in front of them toward the ditch where the other trio was firing. "There's about a dozen enemies to our right, all but a third are aiming up towards where we're going." He looked up and pointed. "There! There's the werewolves, they're going to be on Luna's group right when we get there." He grimaced at the other two. "We're going to need to field test the Gryffindor Special." said Ron, holding up a golden box.

The three teens each stuck their wands to the side of the box, and activated the latest of Gred and Forge's Wheezes. A bright golden light flashed over the three of them, and in their place emerged three young Gryphons. All three were mostly yellow and white feathered, but Hermione, Harry, and Ron were identifiable by their brown, black, and red specks on their head respectively. All three transfigured beasts had fire coming from their paws and lightning on the tips of their wings, and they took off leaving streaks of both behind.

Hermione and Ron both aimed their flight about 20 meters north of their friends position, hoping to intercept the approaching werewolves. Harry, on the other hand, knew he did not have enough energy, even with the power of the enchanted object, to join the fight in that form. He flew up a bit, and spotted Tracey and Draco, and flew towards them. As he got closer, he also spotted Luna, who had just taken a look at her map. She, like Ron and Harry, saw exactly what was about to happen, and looked up to warn her partners. Luna spotted Harry though, and he could see her smile through her helmet.

A normal Gryphon could have heard what Luna said to Draco and Tracey, but the transfigured body had begun draining Harry to the point of exhaustion. A couple meters above the ground, the human parts of Harry began reappearing. He thanked the heavens and magic that it wasn't Halloween, otherwise his typical luck would have had his wings first to go instead of last. Still, he was two meters off the ground and falling far too fast when the wings popped back into his shoulder blades.

Both Tracey and Draco heard his screaming, and simultaneously ducked back into the ditch and cast the slowing spell 'Arresto Momentum'. Harry slowed from a swift dive to a short jump and landed in a roll, popping up right in front of Luna. "Hello love, nice of you to drop in." she said, brushing off her camouflaged uniform and reaching out to hug him. She was surprised though, when Harry's eyes went wide, and he picked her up and tossed her behind him.

Harry was going to hug Luna back, but had noticed two things that would be just a tiny bit of a problem. First was that, when he suddenly became human again, he had lost track of his wands. Second was that a flaming, partially transformed werewolf had just leapt into his vision behind Luna.

Ron and Hermione both maintained their transformation and caught the pack of a dozen partially transformed enemy werewolves right where they had planned. They knew that Harry would not be able to fight in that form, but weren't worried about him making it to the other three. The two Gryphons surprised the enemies and two were dead and three incapacitated by fire, lighting, and claws before any could react.

Ron had landed in the middle of four and Hermione went after the other three. All seven reacted on instinct to fight against the unknown enemy. Four fired curses while the other three attacked physically. The magically created beasts sent lighting bolts and flames, dodging and blocking the spells, and hitting their enemies. Ron snatched one of the incoming weres in his large jaws and whipped him into the path of several spells. The dead man knocked down one of the others in his path..

Beside him, Hermione ducked under one were and slammed a second to the ground, launching a fireball at them both. She jumped up into the air again and landed on the last one, smashing the woman's wand and knocking her unconscious. Ron bounced to the side, allowing a spell from one were to pass right by him and take out another were. With no one behind him, Ron launched dual lightning bolts launched out, exploding beside the two in front of him. The force launched them into each other, where Hermione pounced and permanently took them out of the fight.

With no more movement in the immediate vicinity, they ended the transfiguration and returned to their human forms. Both stunned a few of the ones that probably weren't already dead, and turned back up the hill towards their friend. They were just in time to see a fully human Harry drop behind the ridge, and a flaming half man running up towards him. They began chasing and firing spells towards the werewolf, but weren't quick or accurate enough to catch him before he too disappeared over the hill.

Harry did the only thing he could, getting the younger girl out of the way and attempting to block the incoming enemy by hand. With no weapons, he was sure he was facing his incoming death, but still stepped up and tried to stop the flying man by pushing him backwards and to the side away from Luna. The 100kg half man dropped nearly five meters and smashed Harry into the ground.

Luna could only watch and shriek in horror as Harry was covered completely by the snarling and burning body of a partially transformed werewolf. Tracey and Draco began casting spell after spell, hoping to defeat their enemy before he killed or infected Harry. After a few seconds, Hermione and Ron came flying over the hill and went straight to Harry to extract him from beneath the most assuredly dead Death Eater. Ron cast a water spells and then he and Hermione lifted the dead werewolf off their friend.

If Harry had been conscious, what the other teens found would have amazed all six of them. Sticking two and a half feet through the corpse of the werewolf was a blue-tinted silver sword, a golden G just barely visible above the guard. Harry had several severe injuries, though: a major concussion, multiple broken bones, and, most terrifying and disheartening to the five teens standing around him, a four inch long canine tooth buried deep into his right bicep.

Draco, the least emotionally close to Harry of the five teens, was the first able to react, and began emergency triage. He started with the tooth, knowing that even if Harry survived his other injuries, the prejudice towards Werewolves and hardships faced by them would severely hinder his ability to lead an army to victory, regardless of how much the light side toed the 'equality and justice' party line. If Potter's Army defeated Voldemort and changed the wizarding world for the better, that might not be the case, but that was still several years out if it occurred at all. Draco removed the tooth, carved out a bit of Harry's arm that already looked diseased, and extracted some of his blood. Draco was then joined by Tracey and Ron.

While Draco was attempting to heal Harry, Ron and Tracey had been holding back the other two girls, preventing them from interfering and directing them to use their grief to hold back the suddenly advancing enemy. Hermione and Luna's collective emotion surged across the battlefield and gave their enemies the impression that far more than three people joined fight in that area. With them distracted, the other two moved to Harry's side. Tracey began stabilizing his head injury while Ron was looking for any organ damage and gave basic treatment to everything he saw wrong.

As Ron performed advanced healing spell after advanced healing spell, his nervousness came through again and he spoke to Harry. Like many with what non-magicals disparaged as 'mental deficiencies', Ron had a two-track mind, and if both weren't occupied, neither were successful. He was able to focus and work best on his homework and other projects while he was listening to music or having a conversation. It was simply a quirk of his that most everyone had gotten used to, and came out in full force while working to save his best friend.

"I think I figured out where I had that deja vu from Harry. It's kinda funny, actually, that I remembered back that far considering everything that happened. It was third year, and we were doing Divination. Well, I say Divination, but really it was a bunch of hippogriff and thestral shite because neither of us are good at Divination. At least not her style of divination anyway. And we weren't really 'doing it' so much as joking around and annoying Hermione. Sorry Hermione."

Hermione seemed to ignore him, but a flame spell that was more than twice its usual size gave her away. Luna had increased her power use as well, and began tiring. Luckily, with the Trio no longer pinned down on the south end of the hill, the Death Eaters had started to retreat. Half a dozen members of Potter's Army broke over the hill, bringing with them a medical team. Tracey had stopped the bleeding on Harry's head, Draco had done the same on his arm and legs, while Ron was still working on his chest area. None, obviously, were fully qualified medics, and let Andi Tonks and a man, Healer Markus Robbins, take over.

Tracey reported everything she had done to Healer Tonks while Draco did the same for himself and Ron to Healer Robbins. Ron was still kneeling next to Harry holding his hand and talking to him. "Harry you remember how we got to talking about different calendars and how you were surprised that the whole wizarding world used the Gregorian calendar when we were so persecuted by the Christians, and you'd asked about the muslim cultures or east asian cultures who also had different calendars, and I'd never heard that before. The Chinese calendar in particular amused me because of everyone being animals. Well that was last year but back in third year when we were doing our homework, you were joking about goats and monkeys and roosters, and then you kinda got weird."

Throughout Ron's speech, which now held his entire attention, Harry was being prepped for transportation back to Hogwarts by the Healers. Tracey, Luna, Hermione and Draco were standing close by, comforting eachother. When they were ready to portkey Harry away, Healer Robbins spoke over Andi and insisted Ron remove his hand from Harry so they could transport him. The other four had also stepped forward to hold on to the portkey, but Markus was focused on Ron who was focused on Harry. "Remove yourself, boy, we must leave!" He barked pompously, and pulled Ron's arm off of Harry's.

It was his last mistake as a member of Potter's Army's support group, as he found himself laid out on his back, a hand on his throat and six wands in his face. "You're damn right we must leave," Andi said for them, "And I said they're coming with us. Go home Markus, and be glad these stress and adrenaline fueled warriors didn't accidentally kill you for harming one of their own." They all stepped back and grabbed the portkey again, and were instantly transported to the Hospital wing. The bed that Harry landed in was one he'd occupied so many times, Madam Pomfrey finally relented and placed a plaque above the bed that read "Property of Patient Zero".

Again the healers, spells, and potions were but a buzz in the ears and blur in the eyes of the five worried teens. Ron of course was still in shock. Nearly every time Harry had been in that bed, Ron had been in the bed across from him and he'd never witnessed this level of emergency medicine performed, nor had he seen Harry look so bad. It was in that state, sitting next to Harry's head, that he babbled on.

"You were kinda in your own little world for a bit. I don't remember exactly what you said 'cause  
Hermione wasn't there. But here's about what you said: 'the seventh filly of seven fillies of the plains will marry the seventh colt of seven colts of the forest, one soul with two minds and three bodies. It will signal the beginning of the end of seven hundred and seventy years of war.' That was the first part of what you said. I didn't get what you meant at first, but then with the Chinese new year stuff, it had to be today." Hermione and the other teens had been listening in, and since she was the only first generation and mundane-raised there, she jumped in.

"The seventh of seven thing probably means that they both had been the seventh cycle of six of one gender being born then one of the other. The Trelawny name has been kept as the last name regardless of the gender. Sybill would be the seventh. While I don't know much about the centaur families, I'd wager that Arden, which means 'the great forest', is the same, with Firenze being the seventh of seven. On top of that, like you said Ron, it has to do with the chinese zodiac: I recall that every one of Sybill's family I've read about were born on a year that was a multiple of 12 years before her. Again, while I don't know Firenze's family, he is, and I bet they are. Both were born in 1954, year of the Horse."

"See Harry! You gotta wake up soon so we can poke fun at her for knowing things so tangentially related to what she's supposed to be learning that she'd need advanced cowcueless to explain how she got there. That's the word, right? Cow-cue-less?" "Calculus, but you're close enough." Hermione corrected. "Right." Ron said.

Luna had, until that moment, been crying silently between Draco and Tracey. She was absolutely terrified that they were going to lose Harry and she knew the future that would result in would be much, much worse than the alternative. She realized that at that moment, she wasn't being given a choice about whether or not speak up. "He's talking about the two snake-bitten monkeys, the winged black rabbit, and the golden sheep. Same as last time. He's talking about Halloween." She was prepared for, and didn't resist Tracey and Draco clamping their hands over her mouth. Hermione was glancing between Ron, Harry, and Luna, and if it were possible, she would have looked more scared than when they were just risking losing Harry.

Ron was surprised at all the reactions he'd seen in the others, but put them out of his mind because he was still focused on his memory of third year. "Yeah that was about it exactly. How'd you know that? And what about Halloween?" Draco groaned and stood up, but was almost immediately forced to sit back down by the bustling healers who were still working on stabilizing Harry, almost twenty minutes later. In addition to Madam Pomfrey and Healer Tonks, there were two other healers from St. Mungos working on Harry and four students fetching potions and wraps for them. Further crowding the Hospital Wing were over a dozen others being treated for minor injuries by three Healers and a student.

Poppy turned around then to update the teens on what was happening interrupting their awkward silence. She softly pulled Ron back into a seat beside Hermione. She then tossed up a few privacy wards around them, and conjured a small stand between her and them. On that she placed a piece of parchment that appeared to contain a list of ailments, injuries, potions, and spells. "I'm stretching my healers oaths a bit, but I know Mister Potter will agree with me that you are his family, so I'm going to tell you everything. We got him stable, but he's comatose. That's a good thing because we have about three dozen potions and spells running through him. His magic was severely depleted and it's making it incredibly difficult for him to heal."

"Three scratches on the right side of his chest from the werewolf are cursed, as is the bite on his upper right arm. We can't determine if he's been infected, but he's not reacting to silver or the Wolfsbane Plant at the moment. Despite the quick treatment, Draco, it has never been recorded as being effective at preventing infection, so we're not really sure what happened. All three bones in his left arm were broken but it doesn't appear that the fragments from both Shasta and Nagini's fangs hadn't moved. The remnants of basilisk and cobra venom are still there, as are Fawkes's tears."

"We had to remove parts of the back of his skull, and there was heavy bleeding but we believe it was lateral force and that prevented most major bruising on his brain and there was very little tendon damage. He's got a pretty bad concussion though. The horcrux has shown no changes. Additionally, while his back muscles were strained, his vertebrae, spinal cord, and neck were not damaged. To sum that all up, with no brain or nervous system damage he will be back to normal, but it will take quite some time." All five of the teens sighed in relief, hugging each other, and whispering encouraging words.

"He does have some serious wounds though. Llacerations and punctures along his lungs, liver, and stomach mostly from eight broken ribs. His heart was undamaged. In addition to breaking eight ribs, both humeruses, both ulnas, and left radius, all of which were obvious, his pelvis, right femur, right patella, and three ribs are fractured, a few bones in his feet and wrists were broken, some had to be vanished and regrown completely. Same with his left scapula and clavicle, that's his shoulder blade and collar bone. Torn ligaments in both legs and arms, damage in several muscles, bruising along 40% of his body, third degree burns on both hands, first degree burns in several other places, blood loss, a missing tooth, and last and least, a mild cold and the tail end of food poisoning."

She paused for a minute, letting the five teens take it all in. Behind her, the other healers had finished working on Harry, and all but Healer Tonks left. They went to clean themselves up and get some rest while Andi cleaned up the area around Harry and his bed. She carefully magicked him into the air and with a few flicks of her wand, switched the operating bed with a clean and more comfortable resting bed. With Poppy busy, she took first watch and set a few monitoring charms around the bed, and retired to the office.

"He's going to be okay, though, guys." the healer continued. "He's a tough kid. We're going to keep him under until the first few days of potions are done. At least one healer will be here twenty-four hours, probably in four to six hour shifts. I'll let you decide which of you stay here and when, but right now Harry is fine and won't be awake for a couple days. For now, all of you need showers and food. Headmistress McGonagall is handling all of the reports coming in, she will meet you in her office for dinner." Madam Pomfrey was finished talking, and dropped her privacy spells to return to doing her job.

Hermione, though, noticed blood, burns, and scrapes on herself and the others, and asked the healer "Do you need to check us out at all before you go?" Poppy smiled. "I already did. Fixed a couple cuts and bruises on you and Mister Weasley, but the other three were fine. All of you will have some potions with your dinner though." Hermione nodded. Draco spoke up then. "Are you positive it's going to be a week?" "Yes Draco." the healer replied, "Why do you ask?"

Draco just stepped by her as he explained, "Perhaps because his eyes are open and he's trying to get your attention."


End file.
